Deep Breathing

Family

2011-07-11T19:39:00.000-07:00

The came. They saw. They camped.

Thanks for a great week.

For Andrea... who for some reason still checks my blog

2011-06-10T22:27:00.000-07:00

That'll Preach

2011-03-16T19:39:00.000-07:00

In my book club discussion today there were two pastors, the Dean of Spiritual Life, the Assistant Dean of Students, and myself. As I listened to these amazing men and women discuss the past, present, and future of the Christian faith, I found myself pondering this concept:
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"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." ~1 Cor. 13:13

If we had the answers, we would not have faith. If we knew the future, we would not have hope. Of the three that we have, the only one that gives us a concrete to-do list for today is love. It is the greatest, because it fills the void that questions create and anchors the future that we cannot see.

Love should be my lifeline when uncertainty surrounds me. Love should be my guideline when tomorrow is unknown. This is the heart of Christianity to me.
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One pastor, my pastor, looked at me as though I had just unveiled a hidden truth to him that he hadn't yet known fully. The other pastor looked at me with excitement in his eyes and said simply, "That'll preach."

The (retroactive) 30 Before 30

2011-01-21T16:39:00.000-08:00

My good friend Jenny has a list of 30 things she'd like to do before she turns 30. She's making great progress in marking things off as she approaches the big day. I loved this idea when I first heard about it, but being the lazy person that I am, didn't actually make one for myself. But last night, while I was out with friends celebrating me being "30 Flirty and Thriving" we came up with a list of 30 things I'm proud to say I accomplished before I turned 30. So here it is, in no apparent order (and I'm sure its missing some really great things, so if you can think of them, please let me know!)

Meredith's 30 before 30:

1.   Spend 24 hours alone in the wilderness
2.   Hike Half Dome
3.   Climb Half Dome
4.   Hike a 14er
5. Travel internationally alone
6.   Earn a Masters degree
7. Shave my head
8.   Get bangs
9.   Drive across the country
10. Drink a bottle of wine
11. Buy a scooter
12. Start a retirement plan
13. Throw my parents an anniversary party
14. Risk being hurt for love
15. Parallel park in San Francisco
16. Perform on stage in front of hundreds of people
17. Surf with dolphins
18. Run a 12k
19. Watch the sunrise over the Sierras
20. Kayak class IV rapids
21. Lead a rock climb
22. Exchange phone numbers with a stranger
23. Have 'honorable mention in another person's relationship with Christ' (after an AW Tozer quote)
24. Get a tattoo
25. Present at a conference (and win an award!)
26. Apply to be a contestant on a TV show
27. Call 911
28. Save a life (separate from #27)
29. Own a Patagonia jacket
30. Spin the wheel at Fast Eddies (and win $5 in beer) a Spokane birthday tradition

Because video is fun...

2010-12-21T12:19:00.000-08:00

I may have just set a record

2010-11-23T19:04:00.000-08:00

I just had 3 DTRs in 3 days. Granted, the middle one was simply a friendship talk, but it was still heavy and felt like a DTR.... For a woman who believes she's meant to be in relationship, it seems like all I ever get to practice is the "yeah, this isn't working" speech.

So I'm going dark for awhile in the dating world. No more online dating. No more meeting strangers and wondering if we can make something out of thin air. If you've ever thought I was picky before, chances are you'll think this means I'm closing myself off entirely to the possibility of a relationship, but I'm not. I'm just saying that the bar is raised and someone is going to have to really fight for my attention... and it wouldn't hurt if he had some connections to other people in my life first. It's not impossible. The question is whether of not it's probable... right now, I don't have it in me to care.

Weekend Warrior

2010-11-08T00:19:00.000-08:00

I am a woman who values my weekend. Sleeping is one of my most favorite activities... of course, it takes forever for me to get into bed at night (note the time of this post), but once I'm in bed I have a hard time getting out. So Saturday mornings are sacred self-care time for me. No work. No responsibilities. No reason not to watch 3 episodes of (insert any number of hour long TV shows here). Perfect.

So you know it would take a lot for me to make plans prior to noon on a Saturday. (Unless, of course, I'm traveling and/or visiting people - weekends away don't count in this).

This weekend at home, however, was INSANE. Friday night/Saturday morning at 3am, after only a 20 minute nap, I showed up at my local REI to camp out for the Scratch and Dent Sale with some friends. When they opened the doors at 9:30 I was sixth in line and scored a killer deal on a jacket I was smitten with... seriously, smitten.

Following the sale, I scored a 2 hour nap before taking a van full of college women up to Camp Reed for 24 hours of Women of Courage craziness. Lots of good conversation, food, and Farkle. At 3pm Sunday, I drove the van home, tended to a student situation, then went to a potluck with a bunch of strangers who I have the joy of worshiping with every Sunday... well, every Sunday that I'm home, of course. I may not have known these people, but what a great time of getting to know fellow adventures and share in the journey of faith with them.

Then, to top it all off, I race back to campus to catch one of my favorite musicians, Tyrone Wells, in a free concert not 50 yards from my front door!

Sigh... even with an extra hour this weekend, I have no idea how I fit it all in. If there were a badge for true Weekend Warriors, I would write to my local governing chapter and request one.

Now it's time to apologize to my bed... apparently it has some abandonment issues.

the good life

2010-11-06T00:50:00.000-07:00

one of the things that i love most about where i live and work is that it is environment that breeds change and spontaneous opportunities.

this time last night, i was stuck both emotionally and mentally, yet tonight, i find myself quite content. in the span of 24 hours, i have had disheartening dreams, followed by incredible conversations with peers. i've been productive in my job, been a listening ear and moral supporter of my students. i've laughed in the middle of a loud and crowded cafeteria until my face hurt, and i felt the thudding of my living room floor while a dance party raged on for three hours beneath me. i've had five fabulous sophomores drop in spontaneously and stay to watch movies, and when they left, i found that somehow throughout the day i had become unstuck.

how blessed am i to be where i am at this time in my life!? it is certainly a crazy lifestyle that many of my peers would reject, but i find it brings me life and joy in a way few things rarely can.

overdrive

2010-11-04T23:21:00.000-07:00

my mind has been on overdrive all day. it was a beautifully sunny day and i got to ride my scooter for the third day in a row, but even that tried and true method of self-soothing came up short.

how do you find an off-ramp to the never ending figure eight in your head when there is no new information coming in?

i'm so tired from it that i can't tell if i want to cry, scream, give up, or just go out and do something stupid that every part of me but my heart will enjoy.

what i wouldn't give...

2010-11-02T23:47:00.000-07:00

for a little clarity.

i don't need solid answers or even to know exactly what the future holds.

i just need some help understanding the present.

I'm not who I was

2010-10-06T00:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, while preparing for a teaching session that I was to give this morning, I re-read a paper that I had written in 2007 for my graduate degree. As I usually do, I read through my work with a sense of pride and remembrance. Proud of my ability to craft well written papers and remembering the circumstances which surrounded the turning in of said paper. Then suddenly, a few pages into my happy diatribe, I was accosted with a section of my own work that made me cringe in both shock and horror. Sadly, the unsettling came not from the grammar or structure of my words, but from the thought process itself; so brazen, so steadfast, so far removed from what I think today.

Had this been a paper of my students' that I was proof reading, I would have heaved a sigh of "Oh, Honey!" and thought long and hard about how to engage her in conversation. Being my own work, however, the reading of this paper forced me to suddenly revisit the paths that my life had taken; to look back on the twists and turns that led me from that initial thought process to the place where I am today. I saw how my decision to leave one safe, comfortable bubble in search of a new experience allowed me the opportunity to introduce a new kind of friction into my life: a friction that first pushed me away for it felt so uncomfortable, but eventually drew me in as it scraped away the non-essential wrappings that had been causing me to lose sight of the underlying simplicity of things like faith and God and love.

These past few years have been a process of change in me that I didn't go looking for and didn't expect, but now I can see with incredible thankfulness just how much I needed these experiences. I needed to be unhappy and to be uncomfortable. I needed to be in a place where I had no connections and could not rely on other people or their faith to sustain me. I need to go looking for community and not find it, to go to church and not like it. I needed to allow myself the freedom to not feel guilty for skipping church or not reading my Bible. I needed to live with those who's lifestyles were "controversial" and I needed to be asked tough questions in regards to my response to them.

In essence, I needed to start over. Not from scratch, mind you. I did not throw out every belief or ideology, I simply set it all down. All the burdens and assumptions, the expectations and the traditions, all the trappings I had picked up along the way were shaken off and set before me to examine. Now, ever so slowly, I am beginning to pick them up again one by one. I've started with, and may never move past, the concept of love. Of all the things I've learned about God over the years, one of the first is that He is love... and what in the world does that mean!?

So I'm learning to look at love differently. To shake of the dust and grime and good intentions that we have wrapped the concept of love in and I'm trying to see it in a different light - in a natural light. Recently, I often find myself sitting in the sun, breathing deeply and contemplating what love looks like, how it acts, what's its motivation. There's something about the natural world that allows me the freedom to look at those items that I've set down, that I originally picked up from some sort of good-intentioned, man-made vending machine, and to enter into the process of discovering those which are worthy to be picked up and those which can, and probably should, remain on the floor.

It's an interesting journey to be on, for sure, but as I look back, I see it as an incredible one. Possibly one of the greatest adventures of my life. I have no idea where this process will lead me or when it will end, but I find that comforting. If I had stopped at 26 and decided I was content with myself and my life, I shudder to think what may have become of me. Just three short years later I look back on who I was and I am overwhelmed with gratefulness for the people, the places, the opportunities, and the challenges which have caused the growth I see in myself already. It may be small, and I may still have a long way to go, but as always, I'm taking it one day at a time, living in the knowledge that the journey itself is far more important that whatever destination lies ahead of me.

Big Girl Shoes

2010-09-26T22:25:00.000-07:00

With my 30th birthday less than 4 months away, I've been trying to expand my horizons into the world of adulthood. I'm trying more foods, taking more risks, and venturing out like I never have before. Last weekend I had a chance to head to Portland to celebrate life with some friends. Nicole & Brad celebrated 20 years of friendship and Katrina married Louis. I celebrated them all by getting some fancy new dresses and big girl shoes. Granted, the shoes were less important than the dresses in this case, but I figured for a girl who usually wears flip flops or converse to fancy functions, this was a step up, literally.

Motivation

2010-09-04T22:51:00.000-07:00

As a 10 month employee I have grown incredibly fond of my 2 month summer vacation. It took awhile for me to get back into the swing of things last month when I returned to the working world once again. For weeks, I went to meetings in the mornings and worked hard in the office in the afternoons. Then the student leaders came last week and I began to see the light and feel the energy building, but because we were training, nearly every moment of the last 10 days has been scheduled from 9am to almost 10 pm.

Going from 2 months of going where I want, when I want, to meetings, offices and planned schedules was not an easy task. More often than not I found myself blaming my age for my lack of energy, but the truth of the matter is I am a person strong in Adaptability. I thrive from opportunities to be spontaneous, fly by the seat of your pants, and make the most out of a given situation. Planning, preparing and methodically doing things has never been my strong point. I can... but to a point. Past that point and it begins to take the life from me. My energy levels dip and my emotional reserves reach a critical low. The last few days I have been running on habit and expectation, not on any particular joy or desire for what the day held. But all that changed today.

Today my world began to take its true shape once again. As nearly a hundred 18 year olds made their way into Arend, arms full of mini-fridges and "essentials," I began to sense my tank filling up. I'm still tired, to be sure. It will take a good amount of sleeping in to cure that. But tonight, while standing in front of said 18 year olds, encouraging them to take ownership of their college experience, I felt it. Like a switch being flipped inside of me, I knew that I was doing what I was created to do. Though it did not immediately give me energy, it gave me joy and desire and excitement for what lies ahead.... something I had lost sight of over the past month.

It's not much, but it's a spark, and given enough oxygen and a little bit of encouragement, the flame will burn hot and bright in me once again.

Stream of Consciousness

2010-08-09T20:40:00.000-07:00

I never anticipated that I would love being alone so much. There's a certain kind of joy that comes from being able to go where you want, when you want and do what you want. Often I find myself in a quiet(ish) place, staring out at the sky, lost in thoughtful world of meandering ideas. Mostly, I have different life situations vying for my brain's full attention. Sometimes I focus on my faith, others on my friends, and more often than I'd really care to admit, on the state of my love life.

I've become a philosopher of sorts these days. Not that I would share my musing with anyone. Chances are by the time I've figured out exactly what words to put to my thoughts, my brain shifts and the idea has fallen back into the lake of my mind with a silent but rippling drop, never to be that individually identified again. I like this. Despite how often I beg for answers, for change, for a different voice to speak up, I really do like allowing my mind the space to work through life moment by moment. I like sitting in a place, surrounded by oblivious others, on the verge of tears one minute and blissfully happy the next. I like the chances I have to savor each moment exactly when it comes to me without having to wait for someone to stop talking or to ask them to pause and notice it themselves.

I like the feeling that sometimes I'm doing exactly what Jesus did by going off by myself to a quiet place to pray. Away from the crowds and yet still so very much tied to them. I like to think that, like me, Jesus' prayers weren't always eloquent or long-winded. I like to think that he just sat IN himself, like I often find myself doing. Not overtly thinking, asking, reporting or praising, but simply sitting. Allowing the emotion of the moment to drift into every fiber of my being. Sometimes it is wafting contentment, other times an oppressive sorrow, but always the feeling that honor is being given to God with each silent breath.

Tonight, as usual, my heart pounds unceasingly for the attention of my head. Remember me? it asks. I'm that thing in your chest that feels like it has a straight jacket on. Answer me! Find me relief. Shine light into my darkened day. The scream is always the same. Let me love. Let me be loved. Love. Love. Love. And yet no matter how much my mind wants to help, I cannot think the antidote of my hearts lament into existence. When I try to assuage the pain with thoughts of what could be, my heart immediately knows them for the lies that they are and becomes more acutely aware of the passage of time.

I don't know what to do. So I go back into the moment. I feel the weight. And a simple prayer rises to the surface. And it is enough.

Help.

Back to the Grindstone

2010-08-07T16:08:00.000-07:00

I started work again on Monday. Tuesday we retreated. Then we had Friday off. We called it a "soft start."

Case of the Mondays

2010-08-02T22:15:00.000-07:00

Starting work and getting a cavity filled should never happen on the same day, let alone a Monday.

Joy in Simplicity

2010-08-01T23:47:00.000-07:00

I've had a few conversations lately with a dear friend about personality profiles and trying to understand oneself. Among the many different ways of measuring personality identifiers, I find the easiest, and most used by the masses, to be the ideas of introverts and extroverts. I know that in the last 29 years I have been identified as either at any given time. I believe in my youth, or for those who still consider me to be such, in my younger days, I was an extrovert. These days, I'm fairly certain I lean more towards introvert. Sometimes I say I'm an extroverted-introvert, other days I'm an introverted-extrovert. The hyphen helps and somehow the distinction matters.

After a long summer that began with plenty of scooter time that fed the introvert in me, and ended with a road trip and 24/7 companions that required the extrovert of me, I have come to understand that this girl who once couldn't handle silence or solitude now needs it in order to truly rest. The funny thing is, I don't need it in the wilderness, (though I prefer it that way and greatly enjoy it), and I don't need it to be in stillness. I have found that even doing simple chores like pumping water, vacuuming, washing my car or doing laundry can have a very calming affect on me. Finding joy in these tasks was not something I went looking for but it's something for which I'm thankful.

Now, if only I could add doing dishes to that list.

Mumbo Jumbo

2010-07-30T00:24:00.000-07:00

In the past month and a half I have driven across the country, played in New York with my nieces and nephew, ridden 750 miles on my scooter, backpacked, thrown a baby shower and read many, many books. I've had some great adventures and I captured some incredible pictures and while I would love to share them here, I just can't pick my favorites. So please, check out my recent photo albums on Facebook.

In the meantime, I'll try to get better at this whole blogging thing, but work starts again on Monday, which means I'll be sick of computers again by Tuesday.

Can anybody tell me

2010-06-13T22:10:00.000-07:00

Why, of all the amazing songs available, does the clock tower in downtown Spokane chime "Yesterday" at 5pm on Friday?

Talk about depressing.

Farm Chick for a Day

2010-06-07T14:25:00.000-07:00

My friend Molly loves old stuff. Seriously, LOVES it. And she has a knack for finding beautiful pieces that fit perfectly together to decorate her (old) home. Honestly, decorating is an art form that I just don't really understand, but Molly has a gift.... a gift that requires a vision and a lot of patience.

This weekend, Molly came to Spokane and I got to spend a morning as her sidekick as she quested for the perfect pieces to go in the kitchen of the new house they just purchased in Texas. While I'm sad about the fact that she's more or less moving to Waco permanently, it was so much fun to experience with her the thrill of the chase and the excitement over find "it." As we stood in a ridiculously long 30 minutes before the Antique show opened, Molly described to me her vision of what she was looking for and admitted that the likelihood of finding it at the show was very slim. As we slowly worked our way towards the ticket booth, the anticipation that oozed from her was contagious and I even found myself excited for what might be inside the doors. (Which if you know me at all is shocking, considering how much I loathe old stuff).

When we finally got in, we made it through one vendors booth before Molly stopped dead in her tracks and exclaimed, "Meredith, that's it!" Right there, in the middle of the fair, with no price tag or lurking vendor was Molly's vision in real life. It took a few minutes of asking around to figure out who was responsible for it and if it was even for sale, but in the end, it was as if it was meant for Molly, waiting for her to come claim it. And claim it she did with the gusto of man in a mid-life crisis who fawns over a cherry red convertible!

So here "it" is friends, Molly's vision now a reality:

What Might Have Been

2010-05-25T00:16:00.000-07:00

Returning home from a long weekend in Portland I spent the isolated hours wrapped up in a world of what might have been. I saw a few old friends during my little adventure, one whom I hadn't seen in years, another who has known me for almost more years than I'd care to remember. As I think back on the ways that our lives have shifted and meandered through the years, I inevitably linger in the memories of moments spent together and how I let time and distance get in the way of continuing a journey with them. Thankfully, as any true adventurers would, I was welcomed back without hesitation or question.

Take, for instance, this beautiful woman. There was I time in my life when I walked with her daily, when we shared in each others struggles and, for reasons I still find hard to fathom, she looked to me for wisdom and guidance. Even four years ago she was fearless in such a disarming way. She loved unabashedly and lived with her whole self, even the flawed and fractured parts. Respected by her peers and admired by her professors, this woman impacted the world around her, small as it was at the time, with lasting force. So when I realized that she and her new husband lived in Portland, and I had been remiss in really keeping in touch, I sought to right my wrong. In so doing, I was reminded once again of the grace in a smile and the relief of a long missed embrace. When we had parted ways all those years ago, I expected great things from this one... or I should say, I expected understated greatness from her. She was never about the flash or the fancy, she was always simply herself in a way that allowed others opportunity to be fully themselves, as well. And wouldn't you know it, what might have been her greatest moments in college, pale in comparison to the woman that she is today. She is lovely. There is no better way to describe it.

Or, how about another beautiful woman? This one seems to have grown eyes and ears on her heart, for the way she loves is nothing but surface. She and I walked together through all kinds of junior high awkwardness with gusto and very little reserve. Thinking back on my life as her sidekick, it's no wonder I feel so utterly and completely free to simply be me in her presence. Who else could love the girl with an afro better than the one with the mullet? We were oblivious to a lot over the years, some may even say we were...well, are... far behind the curve of our peers, but when it comes to matters of the heart and soul, she always gave me her mind. With few people do I feel so free to live in my imperfection as I do with this dear friend. What might have been a friendship born of awkward necessity has become one so dear to me, so life-giving, so uniquely capable of seeing the best in me at my very worst, that I will never truly know how vital it is to my being. When you are so fully loved, no matter the time or distance between you, it changes the inside of you in ways too impossible to perceive. But in those moments that we do get to spend together, it's as though the deepest places in me well up and spring forth, refreshed and revived. Like the smile lines around her eyes, she has etched herself into my heart.

There were three other people whom I shared moments with this weekend. Sadly, pictures with them were hard to come by, but I'm grateful for the time spent in their presence.

On the one hand, to see a married couple so incredibly happy 10 years after their vows is nothing less than encouraging. To have that couple sit with you in your confusion, to embrace you in your moments of sadness is cathartic. Not only have they learned to love each other well, but they have learned well how to love others together. To see a woman embrace the roles of wife and mother so fully, without letting go of all that so uniquely defines her, and to see a man step up as husband and father in such a seemingly effortless fashion leaves the observer awestruck by the beauty of the life they have created. Sure, they have faced their share of darkness and sorrow and fear, maybe even more than their share, but even on the gloomiest of days, ultimately the sun shines on their home. Through friendship with this woman especially, what might have been a number of horrible, awful, no good, very bad days in my life have actually been moments when I have so keenly been aware of the healing power of a friend's love, that all too often seemingly goes unrequited.

And the other individual... well, the other individual opened a part of me that I had never encountered by honestly trying to find a place for me in their world. This individual gave me a glimpse into a part of life I've only dreamed about, but for all my hoping, in the end there's just no way to know what might have been.

The Thing Is...

2010-05-20T23:25:00.000-07:00

Still in process.

It's possible, however, that my thing is something along the lines of "adventure." As I've been taking stock of my life, I've come to realize that I have a tendency, and even a tenacity, to try everything. My general "I'll do anything once" attitude has led to the discovery of some pretty amazing experiences. I love the excitement of trying something for the first time, and then working at it until I feel competent enough to know if it's something worth investing more of myself in. I like being a person of varied experiences, willing to see each new opportunity as an adventure yet to be discovered. I don't know if it centers me, like I hear running does for so many people, but the idea of my thing be a willing response to opportunities that arise is become less worrisome to me. I do not need to be ashamed of my random tastes and experiences for it is through them that I am able to quench my need for adventure, for life outside of the mundane, for the marrow of life. But I'll keep looking for that thing, none the less.

In the meantime, my scooter is shaping up to have just the affect I would've hoped for... I get excited just thinking about the possibility of going for a ride. I find when I'm on it I smile uncontrollably but my mind empties and I'm even able to pray in ways I haven't for a long time... and I don't just mean in the, "Oh God, please don't let me die," sort of way. If I'm in a mood, a scooter ride brightens it. If I'm feeling the walls close in, a ride reminds me how much of the world is sitting there waiting for me to enjoy. On rides, I find myself breathing deeper, lingering in places of beauty, and letting go of those things that weigh heavy on mind. So I guess in a sense, the scooter could easily become my Thing... that is, until the rain and winter comes, so I'll keep looking.

Oh, and another bonus of the scooter... if you take a passenger, they pretty much have to hug you the whole time! I didn't know how starved I was for physical contact with people until a friend of mine snuggled in close. Granted, he was as scared as a 3 year old on a roller coaster for the first time, but the way he hugged me made me feel needed, loved, and affirmed all at once. It does wonders for the psyche!!

My Buddy

2010-05-11T22:06:00.000-07:00

I know it's been awhile since I've blogged. Honestly, I've lost count on my 40 day endeavor. But I've been working on a project these lasts few days... well, I've been dreaming about it for years, but finally decided that now is the time. It only took a written test, 4 hours of paper work, and a soon to be scheduled driving test, but today I drove away with my very own scooter!!

It's called a Buddy, tops out at about 60mph, and requires a motorcycle license, and it's Oh so fun to drive!!

I'm anticipating a fantastic summer of Spokane exploration and many scooting adventures.

Bloomsday

2010-05-02T23:35:00.000-07:00

This morning I ran/walked 12k (with 55,000 other people) in 1:26:54. I had a great time doing it... ran the first 2.5 miles with some students and the rest of the way with Andrea's little sister Amanda. Crossing the finish line with her was definitely a highlight... that and seeing people running a lion suit, wedding attire, Raggedy Anne, and other various costumes. The low-light(s): my right knee went out at mile 2.5, my left knee at mile 4. I am now walking with two stiff legs, and probably will be for quite some time.

I think it's safe to say: Running is NOT my thing.

This just in:

Meredith D.

Finish Time: 1:26:54

Overall Place: 14,955 out of 49,674

Ran with a pace of 11:38 per mile

The average pace for 29-year-olds was 13:57

Placed 384th among 885 people the same age

Placed 5,068th among 19,157 people from Spokane, WA

Placed 11,238th among 39,793 people from Washington

Placed 1st among 1 people with the same last name

Placed 6,743rd among 29,854 females

Placed 195th out of 587 among 29-year-old females

Placed 1,481st out of 4,215 people in your age group

How I spent last night...

2010-05-01T20:55:00.000-07:00

A Quest for the Thing

2010-04-30T00:12:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the movie Runaway Bride, circa 1999? Julia Roberts plays a women who serially walks out on her weddings. In comes Richard Gere, trying to write a catchy article about her when he eventually discovers what everyone else in her life has failed to notice: she runs because she doesn't know who she is on her own. She has simply taken on the personality, hobbies and dreams of each of the men she dated. He discovers this about her when he begins asking the men in her life what kind of eggs she liked and their response was always "______, same as me." So when Julia goes looking to find herself, she begins by trying all the eggs out there and deciding which ones she actually likes. It's a great movie... and I don't think I realized until now just how much I'm like that character.

I know what kind of eggs I like: scrambled in the morning or hard boiled whites any other time of the day. What I don't know is my "thing." You know, the thing that I do that makes me feel alive, that brings me closer to God, allows me to think, and makes me feel whole. For some it's running or working out, for others music, or cooking, or dance, or painting. Think of an activity and I'm sure that for someone, somewhere, that's their "thing."

As I was talking with a friend on the phone tonight I realized that I never really decided on my "thing." I had a glimpse of it, once, in high school. I would make my softball coach stay after practice hitting me bucket after bucket of balls at second base. Down and ready, on your toes, side to side. Hear the ping, anticipate the distance, spring to action. In the glove, two hands. Stay low. Pivot. Throw. First base? No problem. Turn two? Even better. Overhand throw. Sideways flip. Open up, let 'em see it coming. The crunch of the dirt. The sound of an aluminum bat. Working on instinct. Working in tandem with Short and First. That was my zone. Everything else would fade. I knew exactly who I was, where I was going, and my purpose in it. Had coach let me, I would've taken grounders until it was so dark the only way to see the ball was when it hit you in the face. That's the kind of "thing" I'm talking about... the kind you can lose yourself in with complete and utter satisfaction.

But then I went to college. Sure, I was a starter on the softball team, but it wasn't my first love. I wasn't at second. My career ended in an underwhelming show of ambivalence. When I decided to "retire" at the age of 19, knowing it would be the best decision for me in the long run, I had no idea just who or what I'd become. I had always been "Meredith: the athlete." Always competitive. Always feisty. Always naturally talented.

Looking back, I see that it was the best decision I made. I also see that it was an incomplete decision that set up a process in me that I am only just now realizing needs to stop. It began a string of negative decisions. Not bad decisions, just not positive ones. I decided not to be competitive, not to be intimidating, and not to fill this huge void left in me with something that would be as much mine as softball had been. Oh, I tried a lot of things a long the way, and I did a pretty good job convincing myself I had found it, too. But not really. I realize now that I was only seeking to define "me" by being what other people thought of as worthwhile. I tried Young Life, drama, comedy, and leadership. I tried golf, ultimate frisbee, and indoor soccer. I tried climbing and backpacking, kayaking and camping. Snowshoeing. Skiing. Movies. Reading. I found ways to fill my time, to make me feel accomplished, to make it look like I was the complete package. But really, I was, and still am, lost. I did not make a positive decision to "be" anything other than "not _____."

I will note here, however, that I am absolutely certain of my chosen profession, but as I contemplate what life after being an RD looks like, I realize I am nothing more than an anchor-less boat about to run out of gas. When my ability to be an effective RD ends, I fear the waves that will come crashing down. Without a "thing," I have somehow managed to transfer into new lives and roles, taking on the "things" of the job/people/environment around me. Hey, I'm flexible and I'm positive. So what's the big deal?

The big deal is that if I don't figure me out fast, there is a good chance I could go through the rest of my life as the Runaway Bride. Content to find enjoyment in the things someone else thinks are cool... almost. I've had many "God moments" along the way, doing these various things. But they have not been my thing, therefore the moments have not been sustainable. Or even retrievable.

So I've decided to go on a quest. A Quest for the Thing. As summer approaches, I've decided I'm going to spend the next few months figuring out where I feel alive, what brings me closer to God, what allows me to think, and what makes me feel whole. I'm going to find that Thing that I need to do on a regular basis to be the happiest, healthiest, most secure version of me I can possibly be. Who knows, I may just end up right back her on the computer... writing.

I've got a closet full of gear, shelves full of shoes, and I stand on the brink of time. I don't know where this quest will take me, or who I'll meet along the way. I hope that I can know myself well enough to know when I'm doing it for me (like this blog post) or for someone else (like the two months I spent last summer working out).

My fear is that I won't recognize the Thing when I see it. I'm out of shape, so if it's physical, I may not hear the Thing past the screaming of my body. I'm insecure, so I may not have to courage to step out on my own and try it. And I'm prideful, so I may not be able to get out of my own way and risk failure. But most of all, I'm lazy. It's so much easier to love that which those around you love than to figure out for yourself what you love.

But I want to know me. I want to know what makes me unique. What drives me. What influences my relationship with God and shapes my world view. I want to know how to make myself come alive. How to relieve my stress. How to find simplistic joy.

It's going to be a long road, but in the end, I think this might just end up being the best thing ever.

Newbies

2010-04-28T00:53:00.000-07:00

Meet my new staff for next year! Aren't they precious? I'm a little bit excited to work with them. :)

3 weeks

2010-04-27T00:42:00.000-07:00

3 weeks from tomorrow... er, now I guess it's today. I will be saying goodbye to my RA staff. Graduation will be over. The halls will be empty. We will have cleaned. We will have reminisced. All will be quiet.

Until then, I'm looking at a week solid of work, events, and a tad bit of chaos.

Bring it on.

Things to do with Amy...

2010-04-24T22:29:00.000-07:00

;

Amy's here!!!

2010-04-22T23:13:00.000-07:00

My best friend since I was 5 has come to spend the weekend with me.

Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!

Housing Lottery

2010-04-21T23:35:00.000-07:00

There is a cycle in the life of a university that constantly repeats itself every year. As the end of the year approaches, the preparation for next year begins. Already, we have hired next year's RAs, are almost done filling the RD openings, and the student body elections have been wrapped up. Tonight marked the end of answering next year's questions for most Whitworth students with the conclusion of our housing lottery.

My good friend Alan has worked hard to develop a system in which students are randomly assigned points and numbers than ushered through the doors to choose their room for next year. Over the course of three nights, I was able to see student emotion range from elation, to defeat as they either got the room they had been hoping for, or were so far back in line that they ended up in their last ranked residence hall.

There was screaming. There was jumping. There was hunched shoulders. There was floor pounding. But there were no tears.

The university culture may have a cyclical nature, but it is far from boring.

Lost

2010-04-20T21:02:00.000-07:00

Every Tuesday night a handful of students come to my place to watch Lost. It's one of my most favorite times of the week.

Portland

2010-04-19T23:21:00.000-07:00

Portland is absolutely beautiful this time of year. Unfortunately, I have no pictures, as promised, only fantastic memories. But I did however jump on the "no sales tax" bandwagon and buy myself a new digital camera which I'm really excited to start shooting! Once I get the proper memory card there should be plenty of fun to be had.

In the meantime, I'm counting down the days until I can get back to the city of bikes, buses, beer and bridges.

Last Night

2010-04-17T00:03:00.000-07:00

I fell asleep without blogging. I knew I was doing it when I crawled into bed, too. So how committed does that make me? My apologies.

In other news, I am 6 hours into the Relay for Life. My team has gratiously allowed me the chance to sleep from now until 8am. I fully intend to take them up on it. I love college students.

Finally, I will be going out of town tomorrow and Sunday and do not plan on taking my computer with me, therefore my daily blog will not take place. My apologies again.... but I may come back with some pretty pictures.

Meredith out.

Today...

2010-04-14T23:54:00.000-07:00

was a good day. Sunshine, unexpected hugs, lovable students, and a run with a friend. It's amazing how this simple things can make a heart happy.

Bloomsday

2010-04-13T23:29:00.000-07:00

I just paid $17.74 to run in a 7.46 mile race with over 50,000 other people. Who am I?

Sunday, May 2: ~~Bloomsday~~ Doomsday

Let's Put It to a Vote (Response Requested)

2010-04-12T21:13:00.000-07:00

I've got some extra cash (dividend and tax return) burning a hole in my pocket and I need your help deciding what to do with it.

Should I get one of these:

Or two of these:

And should I get one of these:

Or two of these:

3 Reasons Why I Love Living on a College Campus

2010-04-11T20:20:00.000-07:00

You know... the things that don't turn heads when seen walking across campus.

Today is one of those days...

2010-04-10T22:27:00.000-07:00

when I just don't know what to blog. Sigh. Sorry friends. Maybe the muse will come again tomorrow.

In the meantime, check THIS out.

Sorry for not blogging yesterday...

2010-04-09T21:07:00.000-07:00

It seemed like everything on my inside wanted to be on my outside. bleh.

Relay For Life

2010-04-07T23:13:00.000-07:00

On April 16th I will be joining six of my student leaders in a Rely for Life event for the American Cancer Society. From 6pm Friday to 9am Saturday, one member of our team will be moving (walking, skipping, running, crawling, gasping, wheezing, etc) on the track while the rest of us wait our turns together in this all-night event to raise money for the fight against cancer.

I wish I could give you a moving story of why this event is so important to me, but I'm also thankful that I can't. Certainly, I've known people who have battled cancer, but the battle has always remained a few steps removed from my immediate circle of loved ones, so the fight has not been personal to me.

So I'll tell you why I'm making it personal now - (so much so that I would drag my sorry, 29-year old butt out of bed for a night to *gasp* run!) - because it's personal for my students.

One of the reasons that I love working with college students is that they are human beings full of passionate energy looking for worthy causes in which to invest themselves. They are people in process who push against contrived constraints as they seek to live out lives of vibrant contribution to the world around them. So when one of them asks me to stand, or better yet, to run with them as they run towards a cause that moves them... you can bet your sweet bippy I'll be joining them!

***So I'm going to ask you for money now... one of my least favorite things to do in the world... but I'm going to let you choose the reason for responding with your checkbook, (or conveniently, your credit card). ***

Give because you know someone who has been faced with cancer.
Give because your favorite TV/movie/mini-series character had cancer. (They can feel like loved ones, too.)
Give because you'd pay to see me run. (I'm sure I can get some good pictures for you).
Give because you'd pay to see me run in the middle of the night when every other sane person is asleep.
Give because you got more back from your taxes than you were expecting.
Give because you had to pay more on your taxes than you were expecting and need more charitable giving to claim next year.
Give because you, like me, love the passionate zeal of college students.
Give because you wish you had the passionate zeal of college students.
Give because I'm competitive and want to raise more than my passionate, zealous college students.
Give because you're competitive and want to raise more money than any passionate, zealous college student.
Give because you used to be a passionate, zealous college student.
Give because now you feel guilty for not being a passionate, zealous college student when you had the chance.

Or, simply, give because I'm asking you to, and that's really all you need.

Whatever the reason you choose to give, (and I'd love to hear if you've got one that I didn't mentioned above), please click this LINK to give today.

Nightmare on Hawthorne Rd

2010-04-06T23:48:00.000-07:00

As I was watching TV today I saw a commercial for the new remake of Nightmare on Elm Street that is coming out this summer. Of all the movies in all the world, why did they feel that this particular movie is one in need of retelling? I mean seriously, how many horror movies are necessary in this life!? But I digress... this idea of dreams becoming a reality reminded me of the horrifying dream that woke me up last night.

I was at a friends house (don't remember who) doing something (don't remember what) when it became imperative that I cut off all my hair (don't remember why). All I remember is that the extent of the dream was me trying to cut my own hair with a knife, which left it all kinds of different short, shaggy length. And then in the style of Jackass, somehow I ended up with clippers buzzing only the very top of my head. I vividly remember feeling the anxiety each time I put the knife to my hair and the way that I looked in the mirror. I was sobbing. It has taken 2 year to get my hair this long!

When I woke up with a start at 3:30am. I promptly put my hand to my head and heaved a huge sigh of relief when I feel the curly mess, safe and sound in it's usual nighttime rats nest atop my head.

I seriously need to start thinking about giving up alcohol altogether if one drink will mean a whole night's sleep is ruined.

Follow Through

2010-04-05T21:48:00.000-07:00

So I've been at this dating thing for some time now and I'm sure that like me, any 29 year old single person who's grown up in the church has had their share of people offering to set them up. It's almost like there's a script of some kind.

Them: So, Meredith, are you dating anyone?

Me: Dating? Yes. Dating someone specifically? No.

Them: Oh that's too bad, you're such a catch.

Me: Thanks, I seem to thing so.

Them: Well, now, hold on... I know this guy who would be perfect for you!

Me: Oh, really?

Them: Yeah, Joe Schmoe! He's great and loves to *insert any activity I might have mentioned doing since age 5 here,* too! You guys would really hit it off.

Me: That's great.

Them: Yeah, I'll see what I can do. Man, you guys would have cute babies.

Me: Uh, ok, you do that. I'll just be here. You know my number.

Months pass. No calls. No emails. No follow through whatsoever.

Until today.
Today I had a coworker who I marginally know walk into my office. Ask me if I was dating anyone (because she didn't want to assume that I wasn't already taken) and then asking me how I felt about being set up. When I said I wasn't opposed to it, she said, "Great! I've already told him all about you. I'll send him your number." 20 minutes later, she forwarded me the email she sent to him.

So here's my salute to the cubicle next door. You never know when the person you say hello to everyday might just surprise you buy actually thinking of you outside of the walls of the workplace.

Hometown Tourist

2010-04-04T22:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had the chance to play tourist in the city I grew up in near. Even on a dreary, overcast day there is so much fun to be had in Seattle. Sure, there are a plethora of outdoor gear shops, and we may or may not have hit up four of them, but the best are my tried and true favorites:

(Uh, Pike Place Market is not a favorite, but this is Drew, who I enjoyed the day with.)

Kerry Park on Queen Anne offers my favorite view.

The Freemont Troll is also good for a quick photo.

There was also the Seattle Underground Tour and lots of good food, but like most days and places, the true enjoyment comes from the people with whom you wander.

As the Saying Goes...

2010-04-04T00:10:00.000-07:00

Blogging tired is like blogging drunk.

So comeback tomorrow for pictures.

Good Friday vs. Black Friday

2010-04-03T00:31:00.000-07:00

I don't claim to be any great theologian. In fact, my theology has seemed to be on rather shaky ground as of late, but I still find the embers of passion ignited over the littlest things. Take, for instance, the Good Friday service I attended this evening. While I haven't been the most ardent of followers of traditional practices in this Easter season, I found myself greatly frustrated over the pastor's approach to remembering Golgotha.

Though we were told to "exist in the tension" between the sorrow of the crucifixion and the joy of the resurrection, we were not given the opportunity to fully embrace the torment of that day so many years ago. We were not asked to look our sin and shame in the eye, nor were we to contemplate what that original day may have felt like to those early Christ followers. The man they had just hailed as the Messiah was dying shamefully before their eyes. The noon-day sun was blackend as God turned his face away. The excitement, the joy, the hope of a people had vanished, leaving nothing in it's wake but sorrow, fear and shame for a solid three days.

To those who experienced it, including both God the Father and God the Son, nothing about that day was "good." Necessary, yes. But certainly not good.

So as I sat in this "Good" Friday service, I felt as if it were nothing more than the beginning of Sunday's Easter celebration. Though the cross was beautifully displayed front and center with a glass-blown crown of glowing thorns, it felt as if we were quickly being ushered past a museum piece in a hallway on our way towards the main exhibit of "He is risen indeed!" We were exhorted to take comfort for "it is finished," to lay down the burdens we carry, stop beating ourselves up and joyfully approach life knowing that all was forgiven and our debt had been paid.

Maybe I am only becoming more cynical, but it seems to me we have lost sight of just how great a debt we should have owed. Yes, it is centuries after that act was completed that secured our salvation, but does that mean we should not remind ourselves of the true despair that so easily could have been our reality? How can we truly understand the joy of the resurrection if we have not contemplated the hopelessness of that death? For even the greatest of heights is nothing without the valleys which give it meaningful perspective.

In this age of the prosperity gospel we are so quick to look to the benefits of knowing Christ, for he has promised us good, yet how easily we forget that that good has come at a very dark price. For this reason, Black Friday seems to me the more appropriate title for this holy day, for it encourages observers to enter into a period of embracing the darkness of despair of which we are part shareholders. Without such darkness the light of joy could not have shined so bright.

So today I'll take my cue from Mr. Bennett, (circa A&E's 1995 Pride & Prejudice), who understood the need to linger in the bitter shadow of the future he should have had given the decisions he made, when he said, "As it is, the thing is done - with extraordinarily little inconvenience to myself. When you take into account what I shall save on Lydia's board and pocket allowance, I am scarcely ten pounds a year worse off. I am heartily ashamed of myself, Lizzy. But don't despair; it'll pass, and no doubt more quickly than it should."

Technical Difficulties

2010-04-02T00:49:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I know technically this blog is posting on Friday, which means that I skipped Thursday. Now I could go into how blogger wasn't working for me for length of time this evening, but the truth of the matter is this:

I am no longer a student! Therefore the commonly accepted practice of an assignment being turned in before midnight no longer applies. Yes, I committed to blogging once a day for 40 days, but seeing as how this is my commitment I'm exercising my right to change the rules.

A post is considered completed for the day so long as it is finished before I fall asleep, whatever hour that may be.

I do what I want.

Day 7: Done.

You now you're a light-weight when...

2010-03-31T21:56:00.000-07:00

Two beers the night before have you waking up feeling like this.

Tyrone Wells

2010-03-30T23:06:00.000-07:00

This evening I had the pleasure of hearing Tyrone Wells live in concert. Let me just say, the boy can sing! If you don't own any of his music yet, get some! It doesn't really matter which song you chose, it's going to be good... though he definitely has a lot of different flavors to choose from.

Favorite moment of the night: seeing a few of my students there right before Tyrone went on stage... yet another reason I know I'm in the right profession.

The Stare

2010-03-29T22:22:00.000-07:00

I am a fairly confidant, competent individual who is rarely afraid to open her mouth to speak. Today however, I crumbled underneath "the stare." You know the one where the person you're speaking to seems to be silently screaming with their eyes, "Why are you still talking!?" or "Are you sure you want to keep talking?" It's pretty brutal. And because I work with the person and because I value their opinion I'm almost certain to feel like a foolish 3rd grader many more times in the next 6 weeks before graduation.

Day 4: Done.

Forsaking Pride & Prejudice

2010-03-28T15:26:00.000-07:00

For a number of years now I have been a hardcore Pride & Prejudice fan. I own two version of the classic myself and even watched three different versions of it over Spring Break. Colleen and I once drove 6 hours just to see it on stage. I have loved the story of Mr. Darcy & Miss Elizabeth Bennett so fully that I have overlooked the other parts of the story that I found "less than agreeable." The ridiculous sisters, the shrill mother, the long, drawn out storytelling. I suffered through because in the end we always saw the transformation of Darcy and Elizabeth and rejoiced in their union. My love affair has been long, and Austin's story has remained at the top of my list... until today.

Jackie told me of North & South almost a week ago, making a minor comparison of the hero to my beloved Darcy, but because I was enthralled by the story once again, I kept putting off my viewing of the suggested BBC tale. When I began watching it last evening, I was quick to look for things that bothered me. She has a weird accent. His look is not right. Her facial expression never changes. But I could not hold onto these things for long because unlike Pride & Prejudice, each of the characters in North & South play an integral role in the telling of the story. They are not merely annoyances to be patient with, rather they aid the dynamic of the plot with their own appearance.

And my what a plot it is! The story is broken up into four sections and each of them could stand as a story unto themselves, but the beauty of the whole far exceeds the individual pieces. I will admit that even I, the greatest of P & P fans, had on occasion fast forwarded to the parts of the story that only pertained to Darcy & Elizabeth. When I was crunched for time, I skipped right to my "go to" scenes. But I fear I won't be able to do that with North & South because the fullness of the story itself is so beautiful, not simply the ending (though I'll be honest, too, and say it is one of the best I've seen!).

I believe I could go on and on about this gem, but the thing is, even though I finished watching it not 20 minutes ago, I am itching to watch it all over again! So I'll leave it to you, dear readers, to discover the joy of this film for yourself. And I offer Jackie a great deal of thanks for her recommendations!

The best of friends

2010-03-27T23:08:00.000-07:00

I've just returned to Spokane after a most enjoyable Spring Break where I admittedly did very little. Due to the possibility of mono, I tried to keep the visits to a minimum but I did, however, get a few hours with two of my three favorite high school friends (sorry Jenny, you are obviously the third, but I really had the Squeaker in mind so I staid away). Coincidentally, both of these beautiful ladies are expecting Squeakers of their own! Though chances are the little bambinos are no bigger than a gummy bear right now.

It's not often that you find high school friendships even stronger and more dear to you 10 years after you've graduated, but Jackie has managed to lodge herself even deeper into my heart these past few years. And Amy... well, what else would you expect from a best friend of 24 years? She's just plain awesome. Always has been. Always will be.

Please forgive the Christmas tree... this picture was taken in December. Sadly, I was not able to see both Jackie and Amy at the same time this trip.

A Post-Lenten Vow

2010-03-26T21:06:00.000-07:00

As the season of Lent draws to a close I have a sudden urge take on a 40 day task. Instead of giving something up, however, I think it's high time I made a commitment to do something for 40 days.

So here it is:

I, Meredith D., do solemnly swear to blog once a day for the next 40 days. No feast days. Pictures not required. Minimum requirement is a title and two words, which, coincidentally, happens to be the length of the shortest complete sentence: "I am."

Day 1: Done.

Interesting Fact

2010-03-25T23:25:00.001-07:00

I am 29 years old and I still get scared of going up or down the stairs at night into a darkened hall.

Not because I could fall.

Because someone might be there.

To my blogger peeps...

2010-03-07T16:03:00.000-08:00

What happened to the video upload?!

Help!

1-A-Month

2010-03-06T23:54:00.000-08:00

Once a month in lieu of a staff meeting two or three of my RAs will plan a fun excursion for the staff to do together. This month, our adventure was to a nearby park on a sunny day for some fun pictures and friendly game of Kubb.

Confessions of a Secret Pessimist

2010-03-06T00:29:00.000-08:00

The thing with being generally optimistic about life is that it causes one to feel shame and fear of expressing the pessimistic shadows that sometimes overtake the soul. Yet the longer one lives in community, the more it becomes apparent that your silence becomes the megaphone speaking untold volumes to the hearts of those who truly care for you. So before my loyal readers, who's patience I can only try for so long, hear in the void more than I could speak into existence, I offer you this:

I am plagued by momentary happiness tinged with lingering sadness. I take great joy in my daily work, but when the door closes at night and I face my empty house, I sigh heavily with a mixture of longing and regret. I long for for a life I cannot foresee and wonder if I had done this or that differently.... would things be better?

The catalyst for my retrospective reverie? Technology. The age of allowing the past to remain in the past is, well, past. No longer is one forced to face each day head on, striving towards what is ahead, rather it is all too easy to linger in memories splashed in living color across Facebook. Even if a weary soul tries to limit these strolls down memory lane, the ever present mass email invades with the stealth of a well trained sniper, piercing the heart silently and strategically.

In the last few weeks I have learned of three pregnancies, been contacted by three "might have beens," (all, incidentally, are happily settled), and lost all interest in pursuing the modern strategy offered to those lonely of heart. I have held babies and attended wedding showers. I have cried with the grieving and sat silently with the recently singled. Moments of sorrow have mixed with revelations of excited joy, leaving me feeling all the more... damaged.

Where did I go so wrong in my personal life that I'm seemingly four steps behind my beloved peers? It feels as though the age of opportunity has passed for me and I've lost the tenacity to fight against time. The battle, I'm coming to realize is less with the passing of years, or even opportunities, but rather it is with the deepest part of my inner self. The villain within that lies dormant until the crucial moment when a simple step into the unknown could break the veil. It is at the moment, always in that moment, when my desire for relationship is overwhelmed by doubts and shields meant to keep others out, but in truth lock me in. I have felt no freedom of release. No unbridled moment. There is always restraint. Always reason.

And in turn, there is always an empty house.

Walk with me down memory lane...

2009-12-17T00:07:00.000-08:00

2002:
4 college girls are hired to get in a van and drive across the western United States performing comedy at Christian summer camps in the name of Jesus (and Vanguard University). Their sketches were full of wigs, applesauce, fun noodles and the occasional song, but their hearts were full of love, laughter and a willingness to push the Christian-bubble boundaries. Highlights of the summer included boys, near speeding tickets, a duck, and living like rock stars in the AG world. There were t-shirts, wristbands, posters and autographs... LOTS of autographs.

But mostly, there were friendships. A former athlete, an aspiring actress, a soulful singer, and a stylish sister became not just a comedy group, but a steadfast and loyal group of friends. Over the next seven years they would yo-yo out in and out of each others lives, but in those moments of reunion it would be as if no time had passed.

2004:
Not too long after graduating from Vanguard, that stylish sister met a hunk of a man named Ben Adams and in the summer of 2004 Entourage reunited to stand with Sally Jean as she wed the man she loved. In true Sally-fashion the days before the wedding were full of hilarity, pampering and moments similar to those experienced in a van two summers before. Full of class and a lot of sass, Sally's wedding was one of the best I've not only been in, but been to.

2009:
More than seven years later Sally had a baby, the actress got her Master's and got herself famous, the singer had moved across the country and the tom-boyish athlete had also gotten her Master's, grown out her hair and started a career in Higher Education. We were living in different corners of our own worlds when word went out that Emily Rose had won the heart of the "dreamy" (to use her words) Dairek and they were planning a destination wedding. That destination: Cle Elum, Washington.

Calls were made and plans took shape, and finally, more than a year after we had last been together, Entourage converged on the Suncadia Resort for a weekend of memories and celebration. The instant the bride saw us she jumped up and down, gathered us in a group hug and said, "Close your eyes. We're in the van! We're in the van! There's nobody else it's just us in the van."

And so began a wonderful wedding weekend.

I didn't take my camera, but i don't think I needed, too. Emily and Dairek created a weekend that was at the same time innovative and nostalgic. The gathered friends and family around them in days full of merriment, worship, celebration and excitement. We stayed up way too late helping to set up the first night and almost as late the next night remember talking about life with one of those boys from the original summer. Though our time with Em was short, it was time well spent and a wedding I won't soon forget.

But here are a few more pictures, just in case!

A little bit of Turkey

2009-12-16T23:54:00.000-08:00

As usual, I have been remiss and will attempt to make up a chunk of time in many successive blogs.

Let's start with Thanksgiving: Before I get to the pictures I would just like to say that this was possibly one of my favorite Thanksgivings of all times. I don't know if it was due to me feeling like a full-fledged adult for the first time at a family function, my mom's brined turkey, or the four generations of Stoker/Devey's. Then again, maybe it was watch a 2, 3, 5 and 10 year old play Beattle Rock Band together! Whatever it was, I loved the week I had with my family and I'm sure that Christmas is going to feel like a very quiet affair in comparison. The picture highlights include:

A brined butterball, a goofball with a knife and the my Top Chef!

Finding the beat with Gaga.

The Seelinger Devey rock band.

The Stokers, Deveys, and Seelinger Deveys!

My beautiful, amazing family.

Man I love them.

You know you've got a great staff when....

2009-11-18T20:20:00.000-08:00

You walk out the door to go to dinner together and find this!

She's a Man Eater

2009-11-16T23:34:00.000-08:00

I was called a "man eater" today. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

No. I am sure.

It pissed me off.

And scared me.

Cuz it might be true - however unintentional it is.

My High Sierra Getaway

2009-11-07T19:54:00.000-08:00

To My High Sierra friends and family:

I cannot thank you enough for a weekend of laughter, tears, food, fun and memories. I love each of you dearly and was so thank you for the chance to come running back into your arms. Keep up the good work. Your place is secure in my heart. Here's hoping we can do it again soon!

With love and longing,

Meredith

The Date Adventure

2009-11-05T23:56:00.000-08:00

Thanks to the 5 people who voted a few weeks ago on what my new post should be, I will now be sharing my thoughts on dating. First, I think you need to know that when it comes to online dating I was one of the original skeptics. I never wanted my story to be "we met online." I believed that God was bigger than that and that no matter how old I got he could figure out a way to bring someone into my life without my having to more or less place an ad for how incredibly amazing I am, (your words at some point, I'm sure of it, not mine).

But now I'm 28. I've lived in the heart of Colorado Springs, the suburbs of Seattle, the coast of Orange County and the mountains of California. And I am still single. Does this mean that my faith in God's ability to bring someone into my life to love and cherish has diminished? Certainly not. For all the questions I have about God, I'm beginning to realize that there is one idea I have about him that is absolutely essential to my faith: God does not change. If I cannot believe that than I can't claim to be a Christ follower. For me, that is the cornerstone of my faith. Without it, everything tumbles.

So, since my big God does not change, I must then look at the rest of the equation, and right now, that's me. I realized awhile ago that my abhorrence of online dating had nothing to do with how big God is but how tightly I was trying to control the situation. Essentially, I was giving God lip service by saying he didn't need to use online tools but limiting the ways I would allow him to work in my life by not offering him every tool in the toolbox. Oh me of little faith. I sure put on a good show sometimes that I even fool myself. When does God ever follow the plan we give him for our lives?

So anyway, I am now firmly planted in the world of online dating, for better or worse. But I think it's for better. (Surely, there are moments of worse... especially if you've ever heard my Hairy Potter horror story with Mr. Toots-His-Own-Horn. But I was younger then and didn't know myself, either). I have profiles posted on two different websites: Plenty of Fish, which is free, and though it's a little creepy at first, has some quality guys on it, and Match.com, where I have earned 6 months free because in 6 months I have not met someone special. I have fully embraced the fact that I am a successful, happy and confident 28 year old women who is at home in the wilderness but loves her romantic comedies. And, I can also admit that I just might be scared to death of actually meeting someone after all of these years, but we'll get to that in a bit.

First, I need to tell you why I am a fan of dating... whether it's online or otherwise. With dating comes coffee, conversation, drinks, hitting a bucket of balls at the driving range and losing track of time and suddenly realizing you were supposed to be somewhere else 5 minutes ago. There's filet mignon, hockey games from the 2nd row, smiles, laughter and awkward pauses. With dating there are comments like, "you're much cuter in person" or "you are something unexpected." It can build your confidence and it can make you cringe two seconds later. Dating forces you to learn to figure out what you are feeling and how to communicate it effectively. Dating reminds you that for all the weird ones that are out there, there are some gems mixed in, as well. And though you may not end up with that gem, you can appreciate the good that you see there and it ads to your overall view of humanity. Dating makes you wonder, it distracts you, it exasperates you, infuriates you, confuses you. It allows you to stroll along a river bank and view the fall colors you never would have seen on your own. It makes you laugh, it makes you cry, and most of the time, it really makes you wonder about yourself, about someone else and about God. When you put it all together, dating simply makes you feel alive.

So I may not have found "the one" yet. I know he's out there, so until he comes along, I'll have my picture online and my eyes open to the people who come in and out of my life. Maybe I'll meet someone online, or maybe one day my friends will actually follow through and hook me up with this great guy they know. It may even be a guy that my mom sets me up with (and I mean that in the most loving way), who knows! But until then, I won't be afraid to meet someone for drinks or lunch or flying a kite. I'll learn to trust my instincts and not feel bad for saying no and I'll learn to open up and give more people a chance. But most of all, I'll enjoy the life that I get to live, no matter what the day (or date) brings.

And as for being scared to death of actually finding love, well that's the cynic in me. That's the girl who's fighting through the thoughts that she's not good enough to be loved. The girl who has spent 28 years watching everyone else fall in love but her. It's the girl who has learned to protect her heart by putting herself first and seeking the next best thing: her own comfort. More as much as I enjoy dating, love itself is an entirely different ball game. Love requires a sacrifice I have not yet had to give and that scares me. It requires an abandonment of me to an agenda that is not my own. So yeah, that scares me. But if it comes... when it comes... I'll face it.

But in the meantime, I'll enjoy the journey, one date at a time.

Calling on an old friend

2009-10-15T23:36:00.000-07:00

What can you really blog when it's been months since you posted anything legitimate? I know those (2) of you who still check here are hoping to catch up on what's going on with me. The sad thing is, sometimes I don't know what's going on with me. So instead of writing and rewriting a long post, I call on an old friend who once summed it up rather nicely:

The sun sinks low
and here I go
wrestling with questions that refuse an answer
this path of faith
can be a place
so barren of what I understand
I can hear
the voice of fear
saying let me show you another way
so I cry out my Lord Jesus
It's in your love for me I find all that I need

So where else could turn
and where else could I go
you have given me life
you have made me whole
you have rescued my soul
so where else could I go for I am found in you

I may not see in front of me
But I can see for miles when I look over my shoulder
and Lord it's clear
You've brought me here
so faithful every step of the way
What can I do but follow you
For you are the Way, the Truth, the Life
So I cry out my Lord Jesus
it's in your love for me
that I find all that I need

So where else could turn
and where else could I go
you have given me life
you have made me whole
you have rescued my soul
so where else could I go for I am found in you

All I've been made for so there is nowhere else I could go
I am found in you
found in you

~Steven Curtis Chapman "I Am Found in You"

I know, I know

2009-09-05T00:04:00.000-07:00

I've got tons of post that should go before this one, but I'll get to those later.

Tomorrow marks Freshmen Move-In Day here at Whitworth which signals the begging of the year and the end of my crazy RD training then RA training schedules. While I have enjoyed my time at Whitworth so far, seeing my staff bring everything all together these last few days has really helped to remind me why I love my job so much. They are an amazing group of students and I look forward to working with them day in and day out - running together towards the things that scare us most. This year is sure to be a challenge, but I have complete confidence in my staff and their ability to achieve the mission of building community and growing adults.

So here's to the Arend Hall Student Leadearship Team 2009-2010!!

Ramon

2009-07-07T16:33:00.000-07:00

Meet Ramon

Four times a week, Ramon helps me remember just how old and decrepit I am. He stands witness to the decay that my body has fallen into as he watches me struggle through 55 minutes of training. For the first three weeks he kept "scaling it back" because apparently, my back and neck have managed to do all the work that my butt and abs should have been doing. In my initial fitness review, I scored "poor" or "below" average in 5 out of the 6 categories. My best score was in push ups, which I scored "excellent." My worst, was flexibility (shocker!) in which I scored so far below "poor" that I was 5 points off the scale. Now, after 4 weeks with Ramon at Fitness Together, I think my body just might be figuring out how to do things right.

Of course, this is not accomplished without ample amounts of stretching. I may be agile, but flexible is a LONG way off. And I'm pretty sure I hear a deep tissue massage calling my name.

So here's to Ramon. In 4 more weeks he just might have me whipped into shape for the fall soccer season. And if not... well, you can't blame a guy for trying. At least he could make me laugh at 8:15 in the morning when no one should be out of bed, save for the occasional tornado warning, nuclear attack or free breakfast giveaway at Chik-fil-A.

Family Time

2009-07-07T16:05:00.000-07:00

Since getting to Colorado, I have been bouncing between Colorado Springs, where I'm staying with Kevin and Becca, and Denver, where my brother's amazing family lives. I've been up there a lot and for various reasons, so instead of blogging about each trip, I'll piggyback off my sister in-law!

For the story and photos of our backyard camping adventure, click here.

For the story and photos of my niece's 5th birthday, click here.

For the story and photos of our visit to the Denver Fire Station, click here.

Claire's a way better storyteller than me, but the pictures are mostly mine, anyway.
Enjoy!

Hello Roadtrip, Continued

2009-07-07T15:46:00.000-07:00

After a great time at home, I packed Oscar up once again and headed for the Springs. This time stopping at a nice little KOA in Twin Falls, Idaho, and then with my good friends Larry and Stacy Metcalf in Delta. Again, I didn't bust out the camera, but the Metcalfs deserve some face time here so I stole this from Facebook. These are mighty good people doing mighty good work!

Also, I should probably mention the fantastic book I was reading... err, listening to on this trip: A Little Bit Wicked by Kristin Chenoweth. It's the story of her life so far. Read by her. Hillariously funny.

Seattle Sunshine

2009-07-07T11:31:00.000-07:00

Conveniently, I didn't take any pictures of my week at home with my parents, but the highlights include:
Days of endless sunshine
Going to the Folk Life Festival with Andrea and Amy

(picture stolen from Andrea)
Losing Andrea at the Folk Life Festival for a few hours
Officially becoming a Washington resident again
Oscar officially becoming a Washington resident again
Hanging with the folks... those being my parents, not the many people with "Free Hugs" signs at the Folk Life Festival. I don't know them.

Hello Roadtrip

2009-07-07T10:27:00.000-07:00

Leaving Bass Lake, I headed up to Seattle for a week with my parents before heading out to Colorado. Along the way I stopped in to see some friends:

I stopped in podunkville California for a quick hour with Ky between his shows

I spent the night with Josselyn Carter and her darlings Ruby and Lucy in Redding

In Portland, I spent the night with Jackie and Matt Munger
*insert picture or stick figure drawing here*
(Jackie, this is my inference that you need more pictures of you and Matt out there in cyberspace for those of us who want to stalk you)

And I also got to spend some time meandering through the park, then driving home with my dear friend Andrea, recently back from Australia

Oh! And I got to meet my new grandma, too! My Grandpa Stoker got married in April and moved to Portland to live with Jo. She's fantastic!

Goodbye Bass Lake

2009-07-07T09:47:00.000-07:00

After Ireland I went back to Bass Lake for a few days to hang with my community there one last time. It was a few blissful days of no responsibility and high contact time with the friends who had become so dear to me over the past 4 years. Though I was no longer living in the Hub, these last few days were a nice way to say goodbye to my High Sierra home.

Photo of YSSC staff by Brian Zaro

Troy, Brian, Megan, Michael, Chris, Colleen & Katie have been my "people" for the last few years. Much of who I am, many of my smiles and pretty much all of the good things I remember about High Sierra are because these 7 people loved me.

I will GREATLY miss my life in community with them. Our paths crossed briefly, but I have no doubt that each of them will fly towards immeasurable happiness, success and love in this life, and a huge reunion in the next. May God bless them and keep them. Always.

And now...

2009-07-01T19:01:00.000-07:00

A series of short blogs to try and recap my summer so far. Thanks for your patience.

Scotland (albeit a little late)

2009-06-10T11:41:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I know this is ridiculously late, but let me just say that Scotland was A-MAZ-ING! As a birthday/Christmas/graduation/everything else for the rest of my life gift, Molly flew us over to Scotland for a quick weekend exploration of Edinburough. I fell in love immediately. Two days was not nearly long enough to see all that I wanted to see.... which I guess just means I'll have to go back! Any takers?

So here's what we did get to do:
We spent the first day seeing the sights from a bunch of "hop on, hop off" double decker busses where we saw things like the Parliment Building.

I climbed the 289 steps to the top of the Scott Monument...

where I took some amazing arial shots of the city.

We walked through Edinburough Castle, which is set on top of a rock, on top of a hill and is rich with history.

We strolled through the Botanical Gardens.

And we toured the Camera Obscura Museum where we were treated to beautiful views of the city and a somewhat interesting look at ourselves.

Thank you, my friend, for an incredible weekend!! (now come home)

Bunratty, Ireland

2009-05-15T14:51:00.001-07:00

Yesterday (that is... a few days ago when I originally wrote this blog), Molly & I headed out to the Bunratty Castle to get a good look at some ancient architecture. The castle was surrounded by a quaint little village, complete with people in costume working the pub and tea room. Just outside the castle grounds was the Durty Nelly Pub, where I did what Molly has yet to do in 8 months... finished a pint! (I wouldn't call it enjoyable, but you can't go to Ireland and not have a pint, right!? So now I can check that off the list and not feel like I need to do it again).

Today, we had tea with Adam and his coworkers at the Dominican Biblical Institute. It was great to finally be able to put some faces to the names that I've been hearing about for all these months. After tea, Brennan and Molly showed me some of the local sites in Limerick: St. Mary's Cathedral (under heavy remodeling), and King John's Castle (which is basically a wall).

Coming Soon: Scotland!!
Two words: Abundant Sunshine

Adare, Ireland

2009-05-13T14:41:00.001-07:00

Molly & I took a short trip out to Adare this afternoon to go have tea at the Adare Manor. This beautiful property is surrounded by acres and acres of green, 9just like everything else here in Ireland), but for some reason it reminded me of my childhood. The "tea" came with enough food to constitute a meal for me, but I loved the chance to just sit and enjoy a relaxing afternoon with my dear friend.

photo by Molly Winn

On the way home from the bus station, Molly snapped this beauty:

photo by Molly Winn

Thank you for a great day, friend!

Just Call Me Master

2009-05-11T13:18:00.000-07:00

Ok, so the last time I checked in with everyone, I had just gotten a job at Whitworth (yeah!) and my friend Brian had posted an incredibly thoughtful post about me. (For those of you who didn't catch on, the word "rocks" in the previous post was a link to his website. Go check it out, I'll wait.)

See, wasn't that great!? Sometimes a girl just needs to hear that the people in her life notice her. Ok, moving on. Let's do a quick recap of the events of the past few weeks, shall we?

Trek 2
For my final trek at High Sierra, Michael and I came up with a great experience for our students... (ok, so Michael came up with it and did all the hard work, I just agreed with him and got to play along like I knew what I was doing). After driving into the Valley via 140, (which was fan-freaking-tastic!), we did a little climbing and had a low-key first day and a half. Then we took all the students over to El Capitan and set up a giant rope swing! There's an alcove at the base of the rock where an 80 meter rope is attached to an anchor and you can swing out about 150 feet over the valley... harnessed in, of course! It truely was an incredible experience. Poor Nols had to jug all the way up the 80 meter rope to anchor in another rope. I've never seen my superhero co-guide as tired as he was that night! After that, our time in Yosemite was a sweet time of enjoying the warmth of the sun and the beauty of the rocks, trees and waterfulls that were all gushing with spring runoff.

Katie's 24th Birthday
The incomparable Katie Burns turned 24 on May 5th! So Colleen, Nobi and I decided that something needed to be done about it. Since her friend Emily was visiting for the weekend, we were trying to find something that would be a fun way to celebrate Katie together. Knowing her affinity for country music and line dancing, we were trying to think of somewhere to go where we could share in her favorite pastime. Since Oakhurst is rediculously small, we were at a loss... until I had a brilliant idea. I'm still amazed that we were able to pull it all together, but it was incredible. I went to one of the local restaraunts that has a bar and a dance floor that never gets used. They gave me permission to bring in our own caller and have a line dancing party right there in the restaraunt. So I called our friend Jan who has been calling our Family & Friends Weekend Square dances for years to see if she was available the next night to come party with us. Unfortunately, she was booked already, but she gave me George's number, and wouldn't you know it, George is an actual line dance caller and he was willing to come and help us... FOR FREE!! So the Emerald Cove Staff and most of the faculty gathered together to surprise Katie with a meal and some good old fashioned line dancing. I tried to have one of the profs take some pictures of us dancing, but the task proved to be too much for him. Oh well, the memory of dancing with the boys should last a lifetime!

Leaving High Sierra
I'm not sure that I can properly express this without completely breaking down and crying right here in the middle of the JFK airport. Between finishing my Master's, cleaning off my APU computer, and packing up all my stuff, planning a move to Washington with stops in Ireland, Seattle and Colorado in the meantime, I felt like these last few weeks were a constant state of To-Do List stress. Seriously, I had 3 different lists at any given time... eventually I had to triage my lists into categories "urgent/important" "not urgent/important" and so on. Katie and Colleen both laughed at me... I laughed at myself, but eventually it (mostly) got done. In the end, I decided that getting a POD was going to be the easiest way for me to move, I'm sure it's going to be expensive, but oh well. Being able to just throw my stuff into a storage bin right outside my house and then have it dropped off in Spokane when I need it will totally be worth it. I've decided that having Katie Burns as a friend is never fully appreciated until she comes to help you move out. That girl had me out of my house before I could even realize what had happened to all of my stuff!

At the end of each semester we have a Final Banquet to celebrate our time together. Since this was my last banquet, the faculty got all dressed up in their regalia and "hooded" me in a ceremony where they presented me with a High Sierra Diploma and a painting by Tom Dunn. Everytime I have gone over to Tom's house in the past 4 years I have tried to steal this massive painting off his wall because I just absolutely love it. So Tom mad me one that was a more reasonable size. He also made me a vase on the wheel and then painted it in a similar design. Not knowing any of this was going on, I had also talked him into giving me another of his paintings when he was cleaning out the art room. So now I have 3 works from Tom Dunn and I couldn't be more thrilled!!

During that last week, and especially in the banquet and during move-out day there were moments when I would stop and I'd get hit by a wave of sadness at the thought of leaving this place that had been my home four 4 years. Since my To-Do Lists were ever in front of me, however, I somehow managed to keep myself busy enough to keep the tears at bay. Since I'll be going back to Bass Lake for a few days when I return from Ireland, I didn't say goodbye to any of the Emerald Cove staff, or even to the campus itself. I decided that a girl can only handle so much at once, and the thought of leaving that beloved community for good was just more than I could bare in the midst of the chaos.

Graduation
Friday afternoon, I gathered with a bunch of the people who had been an integral part of my time at APU over the past four years and we all enjoyed lunch at BJ's together. (Thank you Troy, Janna, Michelle, Colleen, Katie and Jonny! Your friendship has meant the world to me!) That night, after I had said all my goodbyes to students and after I had gotten my last paycheck from the university, the CSA department had their Hooding Ceremony, in which they give us our Master's of Education hoods to be worn the next day during graduation. At first, I hadn't invited anyone to this $25 a plate dinner, thinking it may not be worth it, but in the end, my parents were able to change their tickets to come down and join me for the evening. Out of the 21 people graduating from my department, I only knew 1 person. The six people I had started the program with way back when had either dropped out or fallen behind, to the point that I was the only one from the Summer Track graduating this year. Two things of note came out of the evening: 1st - many of the people in the traditional track had applied to the Whitworth job and they were all very interested to learn that I had gotten it. 2nd - Only 3 other students were able to secure jobs for next year! Until hearing that, I hadn't really grasped just how blessed I have been to have Whitworth want me so badly. I knew that the economy was bad and that jobs would be scarce, but I didn't imagine it was so bad that Master's graduates were still not finding jobs. So thank you again to all of you who prayed for me!

Saturday morning I graduate with my Master's in Education in College Student Affairs and managed to make it all the way across the stage with out tripping or making a fool of myself. My parents were the only ones there to witness it, but without them it would have never been possible, so I'm extremely grateful for their presence in my life.

Next up... IRELAND!!!
I'm currently blogging to you from the JFK airport on my way to see Molly in Ireland! I'll be spending just over a week with the amazing Winn family, and I couldn't be more thrilled about it! If I know Molly, like I think I do, I'm sure she's got a lot of great things planned... includoing a quick 2-day trip to the place with my favorite accent: Scotland! I've got a 7 hour layover here in New York, so I'm trying to make the most of it by catching up on my blog, and a few emails. So if you don't hear from me again for a little while, you'll know it's because I'm having the time of my life half-way around the world!

Blessings!

Brian Zaro...

2009-04-26T23:41:00.000-07:00

rocks.

Spokane, Here I Come!

2009-04-14T14:11:00.000-07:00

At 11 o'clock this morning I accepted Whitworth's offer of a Residence Director position! The searching/applying/interviewing/waiting process is over. Now that I know where I'll be going I can breath a huge sigh of relief and release a lot of the stress that I've been carrying over the last few months. I'm really excited about this move and what it holds for me. The people I've met at Whitworth are fantastic, and I look forward to joining them in serving students in a pretty cool way.

In other news, I've finished my Capstone project for my Masters! (Except for one tiny paper). If you're interested in seeing what the last four years of schooling have been about for me, check out: www.mdevey-capstone.com I'm pretty proud of it!

Now that the major stressors of life are wrapping up, (I also finished my taxes!), I think my body has decided that this would be a good time to get sick. It appears that I might be coming down with Shingles, so I'm waiting for the doctor to call back. Pray that if it is, in fact, Shingles that I will have caught it before it gets too bad.

Thanks for all the love, prayers and support that you've shown me through this time! I am truly thankful for how God has walked with me through this time, as well.

Much love.

2009-04-12T11:09:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSXciv06218

4 Years in the Making

2009-04-08T09:53:00.000-07:00

I've been bugging Rob to take me on a climbing adventure pretty much since I got here four years ago. For whatever reason, we haven't been able to make it happen... that is until Monday! To kick of our Spring Break we joined Nols, Cobalt and Nobi for a fabulous day of climbing in the Valley. All told, we climbed 5 pitches:
3 on the Grack (5.6)
1 on Harry Daily (5.8)
1 on the 5.10b next to Harry Daily

Thanks for a perfect day, friends! (And yes, it was perfect because we ended it with a Forks burger for dinner!)

And breathe...

2009-03-31T18:57:00.001-07:00

The insane interview schedule is done. I'm back at the hotel, breathing easier and completely exhausted. After 2.5 days, 13 meetings with 20 people and a 2 hour interview I think it's safe to say that that was the best and worst interview process I've ever done. (It's also the first process I've done, so maybe that explains it).

I feel good about how everything went. I think I presented myself well and accurately and that they got a good sense of who I am. After it was all said and done, the man who could be my boss said he had no doubt that I could do the job well. He also said that his students loved the time they got to spend with me, which I was very encouraged by. So now only time will tell.

They have another candidate that they're interviewing next week, so I've got some time to think and process how I'm feeling about everything, which is good. I left the formal interview and had a few minutes to check my phone before my last meeting and had a voice mail from Point Loma inviting me to an interview on their campus, so that's exciting, too!

I cannot thank you all enough for the prayers and support you have given me through these last few days. When 3pm hit I could feel the calm come over me and I know it is because of your prayers for me.

If I could impose on you a bit longer, I still have some prayer needs over the next few weeks.

Here's my next few weeks, starting with tomorrow:
4/1 - Fly home, complete the final project for my last Master's class
4/2 - Drive to APU w/students for the start of Spring Break
4/3 - Interview at APU then head back to Bass Lake
4/4-4/10 - Spring Break! (Where I need to complete my Capstone Project and Culmination Paper for my Master's Degree - potentially 20-30 hours of work) Also during this time I'll most likely head to Point Loma for an interview!
4/11 - Back to APU or wherever I will spend Easter (any offers?)
4/13 - Back to Bass Lake
4/18-21 - Trek 2
4/22 - Drive to APU
4/23 - Present my Master's Colloquium
4/24 - Interview prospective student leaders then head back to Bass Lake
Then I have two weeks at High Sierra before I have to pack up and leave once and for all on May 7th.
Graduate May 9th.
Fly to Ireland May 11th.
Return May 19th and hopefully know where I'll be working/living next year!

Whew! It's totally do-able, but will require a lot out of me over the next few weeks while I also wait on job offers, so your continued prayers are greatly appreciated. I cannot wait for Ireland and then a summer of NO RESPONSIBILITY!!! hehehe.

Love to you all,
Meredith

Whitworth

2009-03-29T20:33:00.001-07:00

Hi Friends,
I'm currently at Whitworth for my 2.5 day intensive interview! I got the tour of Spokane this afternoon and enjoyed some scrumptious Thai food. So far I've met 2 RDs and 3 students and they've all been fantastic! Here's hoping I've made a good impression so far.

Tomorrow I go from 8am to 9:30pm, basically getting passed off from one person to the next. Then Tuesday is basically the same, with my 2 hour formal interview starting at 3pm. Please pray for energy and clarity of mind. I have to give two 5 minute presentations in that formal interview and it's kind of stressing me out. The rest of it I think I can handle. I expect a few curve balls, so I'll try not to let them rock me too much.

I am so thankful for all of you who have been praying for me through this process! I greatly appreciate it!

Mer

PS - I have an interview on APU's main campus on Friday, so if you'd pray for that as well, that would be great!

Busy Times

2009-03-24T13:38:00.000-07:00

I have just returned from my last San Francisco Art Trip with the High Sierra community and, as always, it was fantastic. My parents were able to come and join me (and 27 of my close friends) to see Wicked - which, again, was PHENOMENAL!! Then we spent the rest of the weekend enjoying Alcatraz and the other city sights.

But here's the big news...

This Sunday Whitworth is flying me up to Spokane for a 2 day, on campus interview! I'm really excited about this as everything I have discovered about the school seems to be right in line with how I want to live and work professionally and with how I approach student affairs. So please, PLEASE be praying for me, especially on Monday and Tuesday! (I'll be honest, it's a bit intimidating, the schedule that they have planned, but it is also very encouraging to know that they take this seriously!)

And in other news...

I just submitted an application to Colorado Christian University! So we'll see where that goes.

Thanks for all your love and support. I really will try to get some pictures up here soon!
Meredith

Today's Interview

2009-03-12T20:09:00.000-07:00

Hi All,
I feel pretty good about my interview with Whitworth today. I'm not sure if I blew them out of the water, but I don't think I had any major blunders, so now I'm just trusting it to the Lord. I should know in a few weeks if they'd like to bring me to campus for an interview or not.
Thanks for all your prayers!
Meredith

Another one bites the dust...

2009-03-11T15:13:00.000-07:00

Welp, Biola is out. Onto Point Loma and hopefully Seattle Pacific.

Keep praying! (err... Thanks for praying!)

I'm Horrible!

2009-03-09T10:40:00.000-07:00

Apparently blogging has taken a back burner to the rest of life's adventures lately. I apologize.

Here's a quick update, and I'll get pictures as soon as I can... (or you could check out pictures of me on Facebook, that works, too).

Job Search:
~I didn't get an interview at George Fox, so that door is closed.
~I DID get an interview at Whitworth, so please be praying Thursday at 2:30.
~I've applied to Biola, Pacific Lutheran and I'll be finishing up the application for APU's main campus today.

Life at High Sierra:
~Katie and Rob are at a conference in Seattle, so I'm holding down the fort on my own.
~Skiing on Saturday was incredible!
~I'm playing in an over 30 soccer league with some friends and I scored a goal in our game yesterday! (First goal by a girl on our team!!! And a goal by a girl is worth 2 points!!)
~We've had many weeks of rain and snow and gloom here and the sun is just now starting to come out again.... please pray that it would increase the joy that students find here because recently they've been a little grumpy.
~I'm team teaching the Leadership class this week, so please pray that I can pull it all together!

Well, that's about it. Pictures to come. Prayers welcome.
Grace and peace.
m

To My High Sierra Family

2009-02-21T12:04:00.000-08:00

I hope this February finds you all well and surrounded by good friends and family. We’ve had a lot of snow up here over the last few weeks and though the roads are clear there’s a good amount still blanketing the ground.

I’m writing to let you all know that God is doing exciting work up here, not just in our students, but in me, as well. Through much prayer and consideration, and through many talks with friends and family, I have decided that this will be my last year at High Sierra. As much as I love being here and the relationships that God has allowed me to form, I believe that He is urging me on towards something new and I realize that I am ready for the challenge. I’m ready to move on to a place where I’ll have the chance to work on a larger staff, develop relationships with students that last more than a few months, and to find a place where I can have more stability in my personal life, (i.e. not having to move out every summer!). At the moment, I have no idea what exactly that means or where I will go, but I’m excited, none the less.

I have begun the process of applying to a number of different RD positions across the nation and I would covet your prayers for me in this application/interview process. I believe that God will have His hand in wherever I go, but please pray that the stress of finishing the semester strong, graduating in May with my Masters and looking for a new job will not be overwhelming. I know that many of you may find yourself in a similar situation (anyone else graduating?), so I look forward to celebrating with you in May what God has been doing in us at APU over the past four years and where He will take us in the future!

I would also covet your prayers for Rob and the rest of the High Sierra faculty and staff, as this means a transition for them, as well. Please pray that God would bring the perfect person to light and that whoever he or she is will continue to serve the High Sierra community with the same level of love and attention as those who have helped to make this experience so impacting for you. I have no doubt that High Sierra will continue to be a healthy community full of profound growth and love for many years to come.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to walk with you through life over the last few years. I feel so blessed knowing that I have had the rare privilege to be a part of something so incredibly unique and amazing, and to have had the chance to share it with you! Wherever God leads us all in the future, I know that our hearts will always be tied together underneath the branches of the Sierra National Forrest.

Grace, peace and love,
Meredith

January (in photos)

2009-02-08T15:18:00.000-08:00

1. Student Leader Training - Spring 2009
Hike to Dewey Point

Meet Chad, Micah, Lily, Katie (you should know her), Maurie, Chad & Me (again, you should be pretty familiar with the last)

2. The Plague

Unfortunately, I came down with something nasty the day before we met all the students, so I hardly remember the drive back up to High Sierra. I missed the entire first week with the students because i was lying on the living room floor, too hot with fever to be in bed and too sweaty to be on the couch. I vaguely remember the angelic faces of Katie and Colleen who came in to minister blessings of back rubs and soup to my delirious soul. Two visits to the doctor and two different antibiotics finally did the trick. Thankfully, there are no pictures - I'm pretty sure I looked like death with a fever. Not pretty.

3. My 28th Birthday!!

On January 20th Rob gave Katie and Colleen the day off to spend with me in celebration of (not Obama's Inauguration) my birthday! We headed to Fresno for a low-key day of perusing our favorite stores and pimping out the Ipod Touch my fantastic parents sent me, then enjoyed some BJ's food (and free Pizzookie). After stuffing our faces, we met up with the boys from Emerald Cove to see Slumdog Millionaire - a fantastic flick, I highly recommend!

We returned to a darkened camp only to find every single one of the new students who's names I hadn't yet learned laying in wait to surprise me with brownies and my favorite homemade ice cream! (Cake batter, a la Joyce - in case you were wondering!)

Who's a lucky girl!?!

ME!!

4. Trek

For the second great semester in a row I had the amazing priviledge of leading with Nols (Michael baird). The man is a wilderness wonder and it only follows that the trip he would plan would be the best winter trip I've ever done. We took 10 students through Mariposa Grove (Yosemite) and then up to the summit of Mt. Raymond (8,400') before descending back to Soquel to meet up with the other teams. It was hard, it was cold at night, but the weather was fantastic and the company wasn't so bad either.

Pictures to come in the next post.

I'm Going to IRELAND!!!

2009-02-03T12:11:00.000-08:00

May 11 - May 19
I just thought you might want to do the happy dance with me.

Hooray for Ouray!!

2009-01-19T14:25:00.000-08:00

After being snowed in to a crazy degree in Seattle, my parents and I were able to escape the storms and head to Denver on Christmas Day to spend some time with my brother, Claire and the kids. We enjoyed a few leisurely days of playing with trains, reading books and going on walks in and around their lovely house before I was invited to Ouray with my good friends from Colorado Springs. Jeremy and I even had a chance to head to Vail for a glorious day of skiing! (Nothing reminds you of your age quite so much as the stiffness of leg and shortness of breath that you experience in one nice long run of downhill goodness!)

When I went to Denver I was under the impression that I would have a small window of opportunity to see my friends the Brownings and the Koenigs before they headed out on vacation. Well, as luck would have it, this happened to be the once-every-four-year happenstance that APU decides to extend Christmas break by one week, so instead of returning to Bass Lake on New Year's Day, I did not have to be back until January 5th! With this happy news, I was invited to join the group that was headed across the Rockies to Ouray to do a little ice climbing!!

New Year's Eve I headed out with Kevin and Becca to a Bed & Breakfast to enjoy a quiet evening while they attended a friend's wedding. Then we dined at the Billy Goat Gruff's Bistro and watched the fireworks from Main Street as they were shot off the top of the mountain. (Ouray, by the way, is called the Switzerland of the Rockies because you feel like you're tucked away in this tiny village high in the mountains... spectacular!)

New Year's Day, as we waited for the rest of the group to arrive, we headed out on a leisurely snowshoe adventure and were delighted with the beauty of the day and the comfort of each other's company. Later, we met up with the Josh & Shannon (and 8 month old Egan) Koenig, Josh & Amy Horak, Jeff & Linda (and 5 month old Sawyer) Haley, and Travis & Edi Pettigrew to move into our luxurious 1 bedroom with loft cabin where we would share the next few days and nights. Though most were strangers, I instantly felt at home with this group of people who ended up being so much like myself in thought, lifestyle and attitude that I found the entire weekend thoroughly enjoyable!

It was a low key affair, to be sure. Skiing (or working) at Telluride one day, snowshoeing another, and... ICE CLIMBING!!! the next. All of the guys are pretty into the sport, so all I had to do was rent some boots and I was on my way to climbing in Ouray's famous ice-park! Becca and I both attacked a route that turned out to be more difficult than the guys had intended for us (because it wasn't actually the climb they had set up), but we managed nicely and enjoyed ourselves thoroughly in the process.

All in all, those 5 days with Kevin & Becca were some of the best of my life. I am always amazed at how easy it is to be their friend, astonished by how full my heart gets in their presence and how often I'm shocked to discover just how alike we are, despite our differences. For these friends, and the others in Ouray, I am eternally grateful!

Massive update to come

2009-01-19T14:23:00.000-08:00

Includes:

Christmas with the family
New Year's in Ouray
Ice Climbing adventure
RA Training
Being sick
My birthday tomorrow!!

Stay tuned

In Focus: High Sierra Semester

2009-01-09T14:31:00.000-08:00

Check out this video that was made about High Sierra!

Transportation...

2008-12-21T19:57:00.000-08:00

can be very unreliable in this much snow, so I've been doing a lot of walking. Today, we decided to take the sled to Starbucks. It's no train to Portland, but I suppose it can still get you places.

When I'm not venturing out in the snow, Kitty (the one-eared wonder) and I have been reading and watching Friday Night Lights.

You gotta love Christmas break.

Molly said I have to...

2008-12-06T14:24:00.000-08:00

Apparently I've been remiss in blogging some of my recent adventures, so here is a back-post made under duress.

A few weekends ago my good friend Colleen and I petitioned Rob for an extra day off to head down to Vanguard for a girls weekend. We hopped in the car Friday afternoon and popped in our favorite version of Pride & Prejudice as we settled in for what turned into a 7 hour car ride. (Apparently we've lived in the mountains long enough to forget what Friday night LA traffic is like, so we forgot to plan accordingly). Thankfully, Colin Firth kept us company and kept our mind off the painfully slow speedometer.

We made it to Colleen's parent's house just in time to sit down for a lovely dinner that also included her brother and his wife. Then, I hopped back into the car and headed to the Old Shippe for drinks with Mikala, Mark and some new friends. It was good to be able to catch up with Kiki, however briefly.

Saturday we took a leisurely morning before heading out to Corona Del Mar to remind our toes what the Pacific Ocean felt like before we met some old college friends for lunch. We then headed to Vanguard to see the theater departments production of Pride & Prejudice. Good - but not fantastic.

After the show we were able to met up with my former RD, Shelley, and her beautiful family for another memorable meal in Vanguard's Caf. We stayed longer than we probably should have, but it was so fun to be able to see her and her family and catch up on life.

To keep us awake on the way home, we watched... you guessed it.... Pride & Prejudice!

Thanks for a fantastic adventure Colleen!

The most productive thing I've done in 4 days

2008-11-29T19:26:00.000-08:00

It makes me really happy. :o)
Plus, I took on the 10' ladder and came out on top!
(But then I came back down, of course!)

Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T16:09:00.000-08:00

I've always been a huge fan of what my best friend calls "Turkey Day." I love white meat and stuffing, the football games and the friends that we usually share it with. Memories of olive covered fingertips and ribbon jell-o eaten one colored layer at a time flash through my mind as the leaves begin to change and the temperature drops.

This year I struggled in deciding what to do with the five days of free time I have most graciously been given. Usually I hop a flight or figure out another way home to my amazing family, but this year I couldn't justify the expensive of the flight when I knew I would be home again two weeks later. I had many gracious offers from just about everyone I know as I contemplated where to spend this time of giving thanks. For some reason, though I love everyone who has extended me invitations, I just felt non-committal at every turn, and eventually I decided that what I really wanted this Thanksgiving was to be at home. At my home.

Over the past few months I have become increasingly more thankful for the life which God has given me - my job, where I get to live, my students and the incredible things I get to do. I realized lately that I have been letting the frustrations of a few months each year deeply affect the other 9 months of the year and it mad me sad to think that I was to busy moping to enjoy the gifts that were before me. So as I decided to accept each moment for what it was, regardless of what happened in the past or what would happen in the future, I became really thankful for my home in this moment.

So, though every other person in camp has left, I remain here. Snuggled up on my couch with a good book and a stack of movies. I have 4 loads of laundry going at once, and for the first time all semester, I have no dirty dishes in the sink. And I'm loving it. I know it's hard for people to imagine possibly enjoying being so "alone" during this time, but the truth is, I'm not alone. I have more friends and family than I care to count. I could be with people at the drop of a hat. And tomorrow, I will be. I'll share the day with a man who almost died in my arms a year ago and his family. And I'll be thankful for his smile and laughter and the hugs I know I'm sure to get. Though his son will rail me about the pathetic-ness of the Seahawks, I will proudly wear my jersey and defend them through the whole game. And I'll be thankful.

And then I'll come home and spend the weekend with my friends "upstairs" and whoever else cares to drop by.

Trek 2

2008-11-19T14:41:00.000-08:00

Last weekend we celebrate our community one more time with an adventure into Yosemite National Park. For Michael, my co-guide, and me this was a weekend of firsts, yet despite our inexperience we were able to masterfully craft a relaxing, laughter-filled weekend for our incredible students.

Now it may sound just a little bit crazy, but ask any of the students and they'll tell you that they loved all of the experiences. Friday, before we got to the south gate of Yosemite, we hung a right down a dirt road, stopped about a mile in and left the students standing there to figure out the way on their own. They were given a small map that showed where they were and were their first checkpoint was, a backpack with wrapped packages, and they were told to meet us at the covered bridge. The 8 packages were tools that would help them get to the destination, but for each one that they opened there was a penalty incurred. Amazingly, our students found their way without opening a single package and 5.5 hours later they came running at us smiling through the covered bridge.

Saturday, we ventured out towards Hidden Falls, past Mirror Lake for a little exploring before most of us settled into the couches at the Awahnee for some R&R.
(photo by Megan McBride)

Sunday, we headed to the top of the Rosterum which rises over 800 feet above the valley floor and put our students out on solo while Michael and I set up a Tyrolean Traverse .
(photo by Megan McBride)

Since I would be the one to show the students how to do it, I thought it was only fair that Michael be the one to test it. I believe I heard him mumble "What am I thinking, I must be crazy!" as he strapped himself in. Which of course made me feel better... no really, I felt a lot better! It helped me to see his humanity a bit more! Thankfully, Tom was there to photo document the whole process of getting it set up. Let me tell you, it was a blast!

Trek 2...

2008-11-18T09:21:00.000-08:00

...involved a lot of hanging around.

More to come.

Hair Update

2008-11-10T15:01:00.000-08:00

4 1/2 months into the growing out process and I've started using the flat iron... hopefully I'll get better as time goes on.

Blog about my weekend to follow shortly!

The thunder is back

2008-10-30T15:12:00.000-07:00

and Meredith is very happy about it. Not only is there thunder, there's rain and falling leaves, and this all means it's my favorite time of year. Oooooohhhhh that was a big one!